iFake Baby
by PrincessPurplee
Summary: Sam and Freddie are paired together in Health Class to care for a fake baby for the 'Baby Think It Over' Project. Sam, Freddie and a fake baby called Stacy: never good. SEDDIE Rated T
1. iStart

**A/N: Hey New story, clever me. I know I shouldn't, but I've never paid attention to my instincts anyway. Basically this is after iGet Pranky and the Seddie Arc hasn't happened yet. This chapter isn't all that humorous, but I promise it will get better.**

**Disclaimer: As Shakespeare once said, 'one does not owneth iCarly'.**

"I hate this project. I don't get why it's necessary."  
"Okay, Sam," Carly laughed. "A – It counts as fifty per cent of our Health & Sociology grade, so don't say that around Miss. Hepky, and B – It's teaching us valuable life skills, which we're going to need in nothing short of ten years."

I groaned; this project actually needed work. If you know Sam Puckett, you'll know she does _not _like to work. Heck, if you don't even know her, you know she doesn't like to work. I really hated this one. It wasn't like the papers, where I could just say I forgot it or copy Carly's and Freddie's, it was actual physical work. Which I had to do.

"Bleh. I still hate it."

As Miss. Hepky walked (more like strutted) into the classroom, her auburn waist-length hair swinging behind her, she hugged a blue folder to her chest and was followed by a struggling Ted – ahem, I mean Principal. Franklin. She shot a grin at us students and I rolled my eyes. I was divided on whether or not I liked this teacher. I'd only had her for a year, but from that year I'd found that Miss. Hepky was a flirt, she was twenty-four and she was a bit overly-obsessed with herself. I didn't like her because, well, she a human. If you haven't already figured out, I don't like that many people. Or animals. Or anything, really. Oh, and she was really talkative, which I found insanely annoying. But, she didn't give that much homework, and she's let me off for most things.

I found myself smirking as the most part of the boys in class sighed, watching her shamelessly strut around, Ted following her. It happened every Monday, I was used to it. Ted put the three boxes he was holding down and Miss. Hepky smiled at him as he walked out, sighing while wiping beads of sweat from his forehead. I grinned; good 'ole Ted.

"Now, you all know what's coming now, don't you?" Miss. Hepky said, perching on the end of her desk, her skirt showing a Fatcake more than necessary. "That's right, the '_Baby Think It Over' _project! Now, I know you all think that you get to choose your own partners like your grade did last year, but this year, we'd like to see what happens if we pair you." She looked around to see our reaction, as if she was expecting us to charge at her and ambush her. Yeah, no, we didn't. "Okay, no these have been chosen randomly. When your name is called, please come up and collect a baby and a leaflet and then we can talk through the project. I will the let you have twenty minutes to look through the leaflets and explore the baby."

I looked around to see the class bracing themselves, preparing for who they would be paired with.

"Okay, Kim and James," she paused and looked at the students as they walked to the front to grab a baby and a hand-out. "Caroline and Tom." And so the list went on.

I stretched my arms out in front of me and lay my head on them, dreading to hear my name.

"Carly and Elliot." I glanced to my left to see my best friend grinning at me approvingly; Eliot was hot. And I mean _hot _hot. I kicked her lightly to tell her to go to the front to get a baby and leaflet, but Elliot had already gone and come back, dropping a white had-out slickly in-front of Carly and I and throwing a grin our way. Well, _her _way, as per usual.

"Sam and Freddie." My head snapped up, and I faintly heard Carly giggle.

Yeah, it's decided. I don't like Miss. Hepky.

"Right, now I'll give you some time to read through the leaflet and discuss your plans with your partner."

"I'd like to discuss some things with her," I mumbled under my breath. "Okay, Benson. This is how it goes, I don't care about this 'kid', I want you to do whatever chiz you need to do with it, okay?"

I grabbed the painfully white leaflet with a picture of a cheesy cartoon baby on and skimmed my eyes across the text.

_**Student Parenting Contract  
**__As a responsible parent I promise to:_

_1. Care for the Baby as if it were a real, live baby.  
2. Carry the Baby and all of the items needed to properly care for it with me at all times, wherever I go.  
3. Never leave the baby alone.  
4. Protect the Baby from harm or harassment.  
5. Never attempt to tamper with the electronics box.  
6. Keep a complete record of all tending times.  
7. Learn all I can about being a parent.  
8. Remember that the "Baby" has a replacement cost of $250.00._

I really could _not _be bothered with this.

"Sam, we need to work out a schedule. I have Mathletes and Tran Club meetings. And then there's AV club and Bow & Arrow Club . . . Jeez, I'm gonna have to cancel everything."

"Hey, I need time, to, dork."

"For what, Sam?" he narrowed his eyes jokingly. "To eat?"

"Yes, actually, Nub." I shoved him playfully. Recently mine and the Nub's banter had gotten more playful than viscous. Now, don't get m wrong, we still argued like there would be no tomorrow, but we didn't fully hate each other anymore.

I caught him smirking. "Why so cocky?"

"No reason," he chuckled. Well, now I was just curious. Smart move, Fredward, now I'm actually interested.

"Seriously, what up, boy?" I poked his shoulder.

"Doesn't matter. But seriously, what's gonna happen? This thing is for two weeks, right? Well, when will it stay at your place or mine?"

I whined, "Can't we just share responsibility and stay together?" Wait, what? Yeah, I realised what I had said; now you see just how much I hated physical work. It's not like Freddie and I hadn't stayed together beforehand.

"Wanna stay at mine?"

"I call bed," we said at the same time, not even realising how loud we were, and by the looks of everyone surrounding us, we were pretty loud.

"Nyeh," I said to the Dork, ignoring the stares.

"Nyeh," he responded.

**DAY 0 (WHICH DOESN'T REALLY COUNT, BUT SHUSH)**

"Ugh, I hate this damn baby!" I screamed, glaring at 'Stacy', it was crying non-stop.

"Sam, calm down! It's just a baby simulator," Carly said, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Okay, Carls, I've been put with the Nub, the Nub has a darn Train Club meeting so I've been left alone with this, and now it won't stop crying. Seriously? You expect me to be _calm_?"

"Honey, I'm home," Freddie said, walking through Carly's front door. The 'home' was dragged out as he saw the expression on my face; it was almost similar to the one from when I thought he had told Carly that we'd kissed. "Sam? Carly, what happened?"

"Run, Freddie. Run if you value your life," Carly warned.

"What happened?" Freddie asked, walking over to me to take the crying Baby from my hands.

"It won't stop screeching," I yelled, frustrated. Of course, that only made it cry more. I clenched my fists, glowering at Freddie.

"Sheesh, it's only been six hours and look at them," Carly muttered to Elliot as she wondered over to their Baby Sally, which just so happened to be 'sleeping' in Elliot's arms. She took the Baby from him gracefully as Elliot ran a hand through his sandy hair. Figures, a perfect baby for Mr. and Mrs. Perfect.

"Quiet, Shay." I checked my phone; it as 8: 39 pm. "Okay, we should get going, Fredward. I'm tired after trying to explain to Crazy about our sleeping arrangements and we need to get this sucker to sleep sometime."

He nodded in agreement and we said our goodbyes to Carly and Elliot, Stacy still cradled in Freddie's arms. "Right, so who actually won the bed?"

I chuckled, "I think we all know who won the bet Fredweird. Momma always wins."

The cogs were visibly turning in his head as he weighed out his options; either he sleep on the floor willingly or I make him willing. You can guess which one he chose.

"Some day, I'm going to fight back. But today, I haven't got the effort," he chuckled. I smirked and put my feet up on the chestnut coffee table.

"So, where's Crazy gone?"

"Oh, she takes the Night Shift now. It starts at eight, ends at eight."

"Perfect," I said, rubbing by hands together happily. "Now I won't have to spend every night with her and her-"

"Tables dislike feet as vegetarians dislike meat," echoed a voice.

"Whoa, dude. Okay, A- Where is she? How did that happen? And B- How can a person dislike meat?"

"It's built into the table, she has those things everywhere. I'm scared to sit down sometimes in case the sensors go places they don't need to go," Freddie shivered.

"TMI, Dork. Now, let's get this thing to bed then Momma can get herself some shut-eye." I grabbed the baby none-too-gently from Freddie and made a beeline for the folding baby-crib which was given to us with the collection of things needed to take care of the baby. It was like a Fatcake-Load, it was ridiculous. We'd put it in Freddie's room so we would be able to get there quicker if it started crying in the night.

I was satisfied when the baby didn't start crying when I set it down in the crib and pulled the blanket over it. I grabbed some pyjama bottoms and a Penny-Tee from the drawer of my stuff I kept for when I stayed and went o the bathroom to change. Once changed, I walked back out to see Freddie making a bed from blankets and pillows on the floor.

"Good boy," I said, petting him on the head, feeling his surprisingly soft hair. "Night, Benson."

I jumped into his bed, smiling.

Okay, so maybe the next two weeks weren't going to be all that bad. But they were certainly going to be interesting.

**A/N: Love? Hate? Review and you can meet attractive singles in your area!**

**-Ellie'xox**


	2. Day 1

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I'm Dan Schneider. Just ignore the fact that I'm twelve and a girl.**

**Day 1**

**(4: 34 am)**

"Okay, so maybe the first night wasn't so bad . . ."

"_Wasn't so bad? _Carly! The damn thing wouldn't stop crying at two AM! Seriously-" Freddie yelled, fists clenching in an attempt to hold back his anger. You would have thought he was Sam if his name wasn't said, huh? Well, recently, the stronger of the two had been angling a bit more towards Freddie, as he had started going to the gym more often.

"And it didn't even count!" Sam finished, her blonde hair whipping in different directions, as she stomped, for loss of better fitting words, around the Shay's apartment. Carly was holding her own (fake) baby in her arms, cradling it as though to shield it from the yelling. Gibby had taken Sam and Freddie's baby (well, more like '_had been forced_' into taking their baby, but we'll get into that later), and was staring at Stacy with tired eyes.

"Sam! Stop yelling, you're making the babies cry!" Gibby whined from the sofa, to which the blonde just rolled her crystal blue eyes. Freddie noticed this and caught attention to just how pretty her eyes actually were. Sheltered by thick, long eyelashes, which were supported by a small amount of mascara, the colour of her eyes only fully showed when she got an idea. The glint would only appear when the cogs in her mischievous brain were turning, and Freddie found himself worrying.

"Oh, Jeez . . ." he muttered.

The blonde and brunette had made their way over to Carly's when Stacy first started crying, and now she didn't seem to plan on stopping any time soon.

"It won't be that long until this project is over," Carly said, calmly. "We just have to get through the next two weeks and we're sorted."

"Okay, okay, the voice of reason has spoken, now shut up," Gibby sighed.

Sam groaned and plopped onto the sofa next to Gibby as Carly's baby started crying.

"She wants food," the brunette announced and glanced over to Gibby, her fake husband. Gibby mumbled something about watermelons and sheep, but Sam really didn't care. She watched Gibby get up and hand her 'child' to Freddie, and her 'husband' sigh and sit down in Gibby's place, baby in arms.

"Momma wants her sleep," Sam announced, stretching out her arms and watching Gibby search for the fake baby food in the equipment bag. She turned to look at Freddie. "You going to be okay if I nap?"

Freddie did _the_ chuckle, which Sam last heard while Carly and him were dating. In fact, the last time she had heard _that _chuckle was a few minutes ago, technically. This chuckle seemed different from the ones with Carly. Sam tried not to shiver at the memory of her best friends dating. "I think we'll be just fine. Get your beauty sleep, Princess Puckett."

Sam nodded and kicked her platform shoes (_Why would she wear heeled shoes in the middle of the morning? _You ask. Well, because Freddie hates them. Simple as that) off, resting her feet on the wooden coffee table and rearranging the pillows so that she was comfortable. Within seconds, she was out.

Freddie smiled and shook his head; he never knew _just _how she could do that. When Sam stayed over (usually when Mrs. Benson was on a night shift, because, let's be honest. This is Marissa Anne Benson we're talking about, she practically has a heart attack when Freddie informs her that he forgot to shampoo three times, and only did two, never mind his future teenage delinquent girlfriend staying the night), Sam used to fall asleep straight away. Sometimes even while Freddie was in the middle of talking to her. Hell, most of the time it was her in mid-sentence then her head would just drop and her beautiful icy eyes would be lidded, the light snore she had filling the room.

They never did anything, though. Sure, she stayed the night, but they never did anything like _that._ Ew, they were _just _friends. In fact, Sam had once told him that she wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, because she didn't want to just waste herself like her mother did. But Freddie would never tell anyone that, ever. Because they were friends. _'Friends' . . ._

"Freddie?"

His head jerked away from watching his unknown crush's peaceful sleep, and towards the Hawaiian-shirted potato, which was Gibby. "Huh?"

"You okay, man? You keep zoning out."  
"Yeah, yeah," Freddie mumbled. "I'm fine. It's just early, that's all." Every angry thought he had been thinking seemed to have vanished, and been replaced with the abrasive Sam Puckett.

Freddie rocked the baby gently in his arms, hoping that she wouldn't wake up and disturb Sam.

Because _everybody _knows, real or not, you _do not_ wake a sleeping Sam.

**Sam (POV)**

**-6: 12 am-**

I woke up, arms stretched towards the Shay's ceilings. Man, I really hated dreams like that.

You know those ones where you only remember little snippets? Those. I would get the butter sock out on them if I could, but, no; they're dreams.

"Damn dream," I mumbled, sitting up and swinging my legs onto the floor. Not fully awake yet, I blinked, yawning.

"What dream?" I flinched, holding my hand to my heart in fear it was going to leap out of my chest, and turned to my right to see Freddie setting Stacy down in the portable crib.

"Jeez, Fredward, you scared me half to death. Don't do that again," I said, still with my hand to my chest.

Freddie was, of course, smirking (probably at the fact that he could actually catch _the _Sam Puckett off guard. "Good to know I can scare you, if I want to," he said, cockily.

"Puh-lease, Benson." I rolled my eyes, flicking my eyelashes as I did so. "It's only because I just woke up, chill your chizz."

"Ain't got no chizz to chill," he said, holding his hands up. I gave him my half smile and elbowed him playfully, but with enough effort that it would hurt him slightly. I am Sam Puckett, after all.

"Shush, Frederly. How was the thing while I was napping?" I asked, placing my colourfully-socked feet on the coffee table, next to my phone and Freddie's phone.

"Nice socks," he commented. "_She _was fine. Only cried once."

He gave me a weak smile and I noticed the dark bags forming under his eyes. _After a day . . . ? _I couldn't help but feel a little bad.

"What up with the baggy eyes, nub?"

"What? Oh, I just haven't gotten a lot of sleep lately."

"Lately?" I questioned, confused. "Like, before the fake kid 'lately'?" Was it something I had done? I may have picked on the Nub day and night for years, but I didn't like the thought of him being in danger because of me. Uh, I meant to say . . . Aah, screw it. Yeah, I was in love with the King of Nubs, but only slightly . . . Okay?

"Yeah, ever since about . . . I don't know, about three months ago?"

"Well . . . Okay, Nub. Let's get this straight. You will never tell _anyone _about this. You will never _tell_ or _repeat _the words I'm going to say to you now to anyone. And no, " I said, before he could interrupt me, "not even _Carly. _Understand me?" He nodded, gulping. "Good. Okay, well . . . What happened three months ago?"

Then he just chuckled. _Chuckled. _Here I was trying to be nice and caring (for once) and he _chuckles. _"Nice build-up there, Puckett. Well . . . I kind of liked someone . . ."

Snorting, like the lady that I am, I scrunched my nose up. "Not a surprise there. So? You've always liked Carly, it's nothing ne-"

"No, Sam, it isn't- wasn't -wasn't Carly, that's the thing." He made sure to correct himself, which made me suspicious. A little tiny pang of something which was unrecognisable to me, yet I somehow knew it well; I felt it often, but I hadn't decided on its meaning yet.

"Woah. So, you still like this girl? Who is it? Oh my God. It's a boy, isn't it? I knew it! Carly owes me twent-""

"Sam, Sam, Sam! Calm down, I'm not gay," he laughed, moving over so that he was closer to me. He shuffled so that our sides were pressed against each other on the couch.

"Oh . . ." I said, half disappointed that I couldn't get my twenty bucks, half relieved. As I felt the warmth of his body press against my side, I almost let out a grin, but held back.

"You seem disappointed?" Freddie's eyebrow arched, and giving me that damn half smile again.

"Nope, just sad for Nevel, Fredward. You two would have made such a lovely couple. Oh! Imagine your babies!" I teased, finally letting out the grin I was keeping in, to which Freddie grinned back, laughing.

"How would that even work?" he laughed softly.

"I don't even know."

"Wait . . . That would mean that either you or Nevel . . . Oh, Jeez," I said, shivering at the sheer thought. "Anyway, who is this unlucky girl?"  
"You wouldn't know her . . ."  
"Try me . . ."

"Later," he said, checking his phone. "Chizz, Sam! It's Seven-Twenty-One!" He looked at his watch just to make sure, and stared at me. "How did that happen?"

"I don't have a clue," I muttered. I stood up to go get a change of clothes from Carly's rooms, and Freddie said a quick goodbye as he ran out of the apartment.

_Jeez . . . He is such a goody-two-shoes. He probably needs to take a tick bath or something before school . . . Yeah, that's probably it. And then order his post-its on how to get this new girly-friend of his to love him, like he did with Carly. And then maybe go to the gym, where he's gonna lift weights and-_

Stop it, Sam. Now is _not _the time to fantasize about Freddie.

I jogged up the stairs and grabbed my discarded back bag from the middle of the stair and made my way to my best friend's room. Walking towards the door, I saw Carly brushing her hair in a flowery top and pyjama shorts and Gibby staring at her, kind of like the way Freddie used to stare at Carls, but with a chizz load more intensity. It was kind of creepy, actually.

"Ready for school?" I asked, walking through the door and throwing my bag on the ice-cream-sandwich love-seat. As you can guess, I chose that one. Making my way towards 'Sam's Drawer Set' (yes, I was over there so much that I actually had a drawer _set) _and choosing the first things which came in to sight, which happened to be a loose blue and green top and some black skinny jeans. I nodded in approval to my random pick and walked towards the en suite bathroom Carly had.

Typical; I had a shabby little bungalow which was falling apart, while perfect Carly had a gigantic bedroom (which was roughly the size of my whole house).

I just rolled my eyes and shut the door, changing.

**General (POV)**

**-2: 34-**

"I had to miss lunch because the 'baby' wouldn't shut up," Carly said, making air quotes around baby. "I'm starving because of a school project which is going to last two freaking weeks."

"Carly, it won't be long until this project is over," Freddie said, repeating her own word from that same morning.

"Don't tell me my own words!" she shrieked at him. The whole of their English Lit. class stopped reading _Hamlet _and turned around to look at the shrieking girl. Carly just put her head in her hands in embarrassment. "Okay, maybe I'm not cut out for being a mother. I'll just die a-alone," she mumbled, her words muffled by her hands. Their teacher stared them down as a warning.

"Carls, you'll be a fine mother. You're just a seventeen year old girl right now, chill."

Carly lifted her burning red head from her hands to stare at her best guy friend. "You sound like Sam."

"Yeah, I've been with her for a day or so for this baby thing and she's already rubbing off on me. By the end of the week, I'm probably going to-"

"Carly Shay! Freddie Benson! Stop talking about nonsense and read in silence!" commanded Mrs. Taylor, her voice raising an octave on the last word. Freddie unknowingly rolled his eyes.

"Oh my God," Carly whispered in mock horror. "Freddie, you just rolled your eyes. The change has already started!"

Freddie chuckled, and Mrs. Taylor peeked over the rim of her glasses at them, eyeing them suspiciously. The two just looked down at their books and scanned their eyes across the black and white pages, not even bothering to skim read the text.

"We'll talk later," Carly promised.

"Later," Freddie agreed.

**-5: 56pm-**

"Man, I hate school," Sam groaned, for the fifth time within two minutes.

"So we've heard," Freddie mumbled, before crunching on his second spaghetti taco.

"Like, I really, _really, _hate school."

Carly sighed, bored of hearing the words hate and school in one sentence. As much as she also detested school, she was tired and Sam was just provoking her. "Please shut up, Sam. I really haven't got the effort tonight."

Sam rolled her eyes, finishing her fourth spaghetti taco and pushing her plate away from her. She rested her arms on the table and put her chin on her palm. "I'm bored," she announced. Freddie chuckled.

"Saaam," Carly whined."I have a major headache. Please."

"Fine."

As if on cue by Carly telling her friends about her headache, Sam and Freddie's 'baby' started crying in his baby carrier.

"Oh, my God," Carly sighed, rubbing her temples with her right hand and pushing her plate towards Freddie, who was opposite her, with the other. "I'm going to bed. Gibby, will you be okay if I go to bed for an hour or so?"

"Sure thing," Gibby replied. "Want Freddie or me to bring up some aspirin later?"  
She smiled weakly, grateful. "That'd be good." Carly leant over and kissed Gibby on the cheek, then shuffled to the elevator mumbling something about 'Thank God for Gibbys'.

Stepping up from her seat, the sound of the feet of the chair scraping against the floor went right through Sam. "Okay, baby, shut up." She walked over to Stacy and picked her up carefully, making sure not to make her cry more. "Seriously, quiet time, kid." She rocked her gently, and the cries died down. Freddie watched her, and couldn't help but smile.

He almost felt bad for interrupting. "Sam, maybe we should go over to my place. My mom's gonna be freaking."

Sighing, Sam nodded. "True. Ugh, Crazy's actually getting worse, isn't she? I don't even know how you live with her. Actually, I do. I have my skunk-bag of a mom." She nodded a bye to Gibby and walked out of the apartment with her kid, leaving Freddie to take their bag and pack away. Weird thing was he wasn't actually bothered. Worrying, right? Well, at least, Gibby thought so.

**-10: 57pm-**

After feeding Stacy and setting her down for bed, Sam and Freddie decided that it was about time that they turned in, too. They had had a long 'discussion' with Freddie's mom, which consisted of Sam yelling at Mrs. Benson, asking her 'Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?' and telling her that she should really complain to the condom factory about her son. Freddie managed to just roll his eyes through all of the insults, knowing that Sam didn't actually mean them.

"Ugh. I hate your mother," Sam grumbled to herself.

"So you've told me," Freddie replied, walking out of his bathroom, dressed in blue pyjama pants and a white top, his clothes from the day in hand. He threw them in his washing basket with ease, and Sam was quite impressed, as he was about 10 meters away from it, and this was Freddork.

Sam was in red and black pyjama pants and had a penny-tee with the words 'Uncle Cheese' on; she stretched her arms as Freddie pulled the sheets on his bed back.

Climbing into his bed, Freddie asked politely, "Sam, can you turn the lights off before you go to bed, please?"

"Why do I have to do it?" Sam asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Because you're closest to it, and not in bed yet."

"But I don't want to do it."

"Stop being lazy and get off your butt, Benson."  
"I'm not the one who's standing right next to the light switch and won't even move to turn it off," he scoffs.

"Just do it, boy."

Freddie grumbled as he got up, walking over to flick the switch. As the room went dark, lit only by the city lights, Sam smirked in satisfaction, walking over to the bed. She launched herself at it then rolled around to get comfortable.

"Happy?"

"Extremely."

Freddie lay down on the bed, rolling his eyes, but smiling at the same time.

"Shush, Puckett."

For once, Sam didn't have the last words. But maybe that was just because she was asleep . . .

As Sam fell asleep, her last thoughts were, "Bring on Day 2".

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews! I hope I made up for time loss with this insanely long chapter! I'll update soon, but I'm going to Spain soon for a week, so no promises. I'll shoutout all of my reviewers in the next chapter so get reviewing!**

**REVIEW ME, YOU WHORES.**

**-Ellie'xox**


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